By Liz Dawson, Accredited Exercise Physiologist, Northside Allied Health Owner and Stroke Survivor
Hi my name is Liz, on the forth of November 2015 I collapsed at work losing feeling and function of my entire left side from my cheek down. I had lost peripheral vision and I thought that I was experiencing another panic attack.
I own my own Allied Health business with six clinics in Brisbane and NSW, another business delivering Kids Pilates classes in kindergartens. I had just recently competed in the Noosa triathlon – which was a passion of mine – apart from stress I was the picture of health at 33 years old.
When I collapsed my team immediately took my blood pressure and called the ambulance who came and took me directly to the local hospital.
I waited four hours knowing something wasn’t right, I no longer felt panicked but couldn’t walk or feel my left side, unfortunately I was sent home with my husband – the hospital said it was simply a panic attack.
I asked repeatedly why I couldn’t walk, stand up or feel my left side and said this was not in line with past panic attacks however the decision had been made.
I was sent on my way even though I could not walk and my darling husband had to carry me to the car and he drove me home (45mins) away. By the time we arrived home I was nauseous, he showered me and the water stung my numb skin. I lay on the bed and tried to go to sleep however felt like I was lying on a pole and as if I was going to fall out of bed. I kept knocking the water bottle by my bed off the table as I had no motor control.
The next morning we went to another hospital, this time they wouldn’t let me out of their sight! I was straight into the acute stroke ward, had an MRI and it was diagnosed that a part of my brain had died.
I was in the stroke ward for five days and unfortunately no cause was identified – this has continued to play on my mind.
Fifteen months later I have made a remarkable recovery – with luck, and a lot of hard work. I still struggle with loss of strength in my left leg, numbness and minor vision issues. However I think that my mental health has taken the biggest hit.
In the early stages of my recovery I suffered panic attacks multiple times a day, I was convinced I was having another stroke – I was constantly terrified. My emotional wellbeing took months, the big change was when I connected with other young survivors in my area. I found some great women to share my fears with through social media, and met three others through friends.
Getting back to my businesses was also a huge challenge for me. The mental and cognitive output floored me. Things that I had found I could do in my sleep took a huge effort – things like processing payroll, problem solving – it was an ordeal, and I was scared!
I couldn’t be left alone for the fear of something awful happening let alone travel to work or my interstate clinics. I also looked a lot better than I felt. Physically I was functioning quite well within 5-6 weeks however I still felt extremely unbalanced and weak. That was hard for people to understand. Although I had so many people around me it was hard not to feel alone as no one understood how I was feeling. That was very challenging.
What helped me get through it all? Asking for help – that made a huge difference. The support I got from my husband and loved ones was humbling, we were all hurting and struggling through the shock of it and I couldn’t have got through the days and fear without them.
Liz and her dog
I wasn’t a hero I told everyone exactly what I was going through mentally. So although it was a challenge to look much better than I felt I was very open with how I was feeling so people were there to help me. I also reached out to other stroke survivors. That was a huge help, I still talk to them and we all help each other as we understand each other despite our stories being quite different.
I got straight back into exercise – In hospital the physio told me I had to get to 10000 steps as soon as I could. I have never been one to do things in halves so I was out there, boyfriend (now husband) in tow and within sixteen days I hit that target and soon I gained my confidence on my own and was setting out for two hours a day. I also got straight back into Pilates, yoga and strength work. It was amazing for me mentally and obviously helped me immensely physically.
I got psychological help – within a few days of being home I found a psychologist close by. She had to be handy as I couldn’t drive. At first it was exhausting but she has been amazing in my recovery and in helping me create a more balanced life.
These three things helped my mindset – and vice versa.
Mindset was and is everything for me. Initially it was difficult to get a handle on my mind and my thinking. I was ordinarily a determined and motivated person, I was somewhat defeated initially.
I had to crawl back up from the bottom. I had to accept defeat, accept that this was going to change me, that I was not invincible and that shit things happen regardless of how fit and healthy you are. I had to be patient, respect the journey and listen to my body to gradually rehabilitate. I am still working on it. I have to be grateful every day for my journey.
Fortunately I have made as good as a full recovery almost 15 months on. A lot has happened I’ve got engaged then married, we got a puppy, we bought a house, we expanded both my businesses, I am back to working full time and am expecting my first baby in May!
It has been a roller-coaster but my stroke has grounded me and helped me live a more balanced life and stay true to how I want to live my life. I consider myself very very lucky.
I have met three other women aged 16-35 that have been through similar experiences and I feel privileged that as an Exercise Physiologist I have been able to give back to them.
I want to start a support group for young women going through the same thing and a rehabilitation program through my clinics for young and old stroke survivors. Stay tuned for more information on the program.